I have decided to involve myself in a challenge, mainly because this one just popped up to be honest and fitted a bill that is a topic close to my heart.
This weeks prompt is
Before I suffered from chronic pain, I ‘thought’ I had control of my body. You take the sensations and control level for granted. I am not sure if that makes sense?
I used to call myself passionate, firey redhead, but in all honesty I did not have the ability when pushed to extremes to control my anger, usually born out of extreme frustration, not being to handle a situation, being pushed in to a corner emotionally.
I used to think extreme anger came from the inability to express oneself, but it’s not, is it? There are all kinds of reasons why someone can experience extreme anger.
Afterwards I used to feel sick, ashamed, physically drained and emotionally.
Things are different now, right at the moment I can’t think of any advantages to having chronic pain except one. It seems almost perverse to have found a benefit, semi forced upon me and that is…
I simply cannot let myself be affected by anger. Now that I have chronic pain whenever I have been put in to a provocative situation and let it get a hold of me it causes me to be extremely ill. Stress effects my pain messengers hideously. I will literally feel my muscles cramp up, sensations of scorching fingers run up my spine, like my back is on fire, then a twisting and tornicating of myscles running around my chest and spasms.
The fear then sets in, what is the knock back going to be from this? How is my body going to feel tomorrow? Will I be in bed and unable to participate downstairs with my children. Will I lie in bed hearing them downstairs eating and not be there with them. It is a hideous situation pain and how it isolates you from others.
I don’t really know how I do it. But now, not all the time, I am not superhuman after all, but anger does not effect me in the same way it used to. I guess I see it like an intruder, burglar trying to take away my mobility and I wont let that happen.
I slam the door right back in his face and sit quietly hoping he can’t get through.
Sometimes I think he’s gone and I can relax, a smile forms upon my face, the situation is over and I am home free!
Here is a link to the Dungeon Prompts of which I have partaken now, you will see others posts too 🙂