Suggested Prompts: *Are you a secret keeper? Do you have a lot hidden away that you share with no one or do you have certain friends that you tell everything to? Do you have the confidence of others knowing that your ears lead to a closed vault or are you known for your secret broadcasting system? Are you offended when you suspect others are keeping secrets from you, or do you not want to have anything to do with things that are kept hidden? What do secrets mean to you?
So this week we are focusing on secrets, do I have any?
I am in my 40’s what do you think? Even a mere 7yr old can hold lots of secrets. The thing is, what do those secrets mean to the person holding them and to the person or people they are not meant to be told to?
Do I think secrets are bad?
I don’t think anyone can give a blanket judgement on secrets being either good or bad, they can be both. It is about the intention and possible effect upon whoever it is being kept from, or why in the first place it is being kept. I wanted to go through some quotes which are so varied and have put comments below:
“And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long.” ― Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
This is very true. Who of you have old secrets, ones that perhaps were important at the time, meant something and like hoarding rubbish one tucks them away somewhere out of sight, thinking it is important. Then one day you have to move house or make some space for new things, you walk in the room and see all the rubbish collected from long ago and wonder what on earth you were doing? This is the same with some secrets. Sometimes it is good to let go, to realize stress held within yourself on to things that really now in the light of day or with the passage of time do not matter anymore.
“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” ― Roald Dahl
Aaaahhh magic and secrets. Who tells their children about the tooth fairy, elves and so forth? What kind of secrets and possible untruths are these? I say possible as I cannot assume myself so above everyone else to know for certain these things don’t exist I just go on the probable. But these kind of untruths, are they harmful? I don’t think so, they help a child’s imagination, a way to go in to their mind, find places they can create of wondrous fantasy, what on earth could be wrong with that? When they find out it is possibly not true, well that is of course a life’s lesson, there will no doubt be far worse for them to deal with later in life, it is growth.
These are different kinds of secrets, destructive ones, why? Because normally, they are the kind of secret that will hurt someone else, one that possibly the holder feels immense guilt about, wavers in “shall I tell them or not, how will that impact on me, on so and so, how will my life change, how will their life change? These kind of the soul destructing kind of secrets. Can I say whether good or bad to have? The thing is, you need to look at what events took place to cause them, what actions? That is where the focus should be, not so much in the actual keeping or not keeping of them. Stop the root cause and if some of this is born by learning morality and how to conduct oneself in life then there are lessons to be learned surely?
This is about dishonesty. The action caused by the person keeping the secret. Secrets are dangerous in many ways, it is working out the subtle balances between the worth of having one, being responsible about being ‘a keeper’ and what to do with it. When keeping a secret is at the time kept because of possible fall out, there is normally always somewhere down the line indeed a fallout be it small or large, unless forgiveness is given.
Exactly, there is a price upon each secret. To one person it means nothing, to another it means a great deal. Don’t make something a secret unless magical or for good unless it needs to be such a thing. That is my humble opinion.
Why is this? Because to tell a stranger we can walk away from them, unlike family or friends where we have to live with the judgement. The secret can remain with you and not affect your social or family circle. Also you don’t possibly care so much about the judgement from the stranger, whereas you would from those closer.
I think this is about respecting peoples person right to anonymity and for them to be the ones to indulge, should they wish, something about themselves that they might consider special or secret. This is something very important to remember in friendship. Just because you have a close circle, it doesn’t mean that if one person tells you something it is alright to share that with all the others. It is the tellers right to share that with whom so they wish, the same if you are the teller, remember the responsibility you are imposing on the person who keeps that personal trinket of information.
“All families have their secrets, most people would never know them, but they know there are spaces, gaps where the answers should be, where someone should have sat, where someone used to be. A name that is never uttered, or uttered just once and never again. We all have our secrets.” ― Cecelia Ahern, The Book of Tomorrow
I don’t know about all families, but I know my family has had many scandalous, weird or interesting secrets. For instance the one about my Grandfather and his unscrupulous antics with women and their jewels. This was not talked about in the family for many years because of shame and how it would make the ‘family’ look. However, it happened, he was made an example of by the Judge who sent him to prison, it was a fairly high profile case. I do wonder whether it was worth causing such stress to keep it so well wrapped or whether it would have been more healthy to have delicately allowed it to sometimes seep from the dark confines of the closet it was kept to infiltrate family conversations upon a time.