About

female-angel-silhouette-fantasy-heaven_21-36615236

Who am I?

 

I am a middle aged mother of two lively boys who loves to write and with this I discovered blogging.  I am a daydreamer, passionate, insecure, kind, a doer, a listener, a lover of life & relish in being totally juvenile at times, giving my children a good run for their money.  I never get bored of my own company, I never get bored period and I love silence, the sound of rain, the smell of grass and horse manure!

 

As well as the above though, I have been a sufferer of chronic pain for two to three years, my condition undiagnosed.  This isn’t my only blog, but this is, my new blog.

 

The reason I write generally is as a form of escapism, going in to the inner depths of my mind where so many ideas, thoughts, moments of creativity bombard my senses, I try to streamline them, get them out in to some semblance of sanity in to the written word.  Of course usually I have the hope that it might interest someone, one day, help someone, cause a smile or create an emotion in some way, because emotions are good, it proves we are alive!

 

The reason for writing on this blog however is different (yes I have more than one).  I hesitated about creating this space, nervous of how it would make me feel, and I’ve still yet to find out.  But it is my personal journey, thoughts, accounts of the way I am feeling, fears, goals, insane ramblings, no doubt there will be dark moments and high moments.

 

I was inspired to face my demons by having come across other brave and generous bloggers who have shared their similar journeys.  Seeing how they progress, work through it, all at different points of their journey, it’s helped me and must have others to be able to get a glimpse in to their experiences, for myself it has been uplifting, hopeful and enlightening.

 

I hope to shed off some layers that have built up over recent years through the trials and tribulations that having this condition has caused me.  Hopefully this will set me free in some way, perhaps it might help someone else.

 

A friend said to me not so long ago “you aren’t the same person as you used to be.   The woman who was fun loving, care free and funny has gone.  I don’t mean to say that you aren’t still lovely, but you’re not the same”

 

I went home and cried, because I felt awful.  It didn’t help that I had just spent lunch with my friend and two others and it made me very insecure of how I am viewed, because I don’t see myself as anything other than the same as I was before, I just feel like a caged bird, waiting to be set free.

 

You see, I have chronic pain, I am not, chronic pain.  It hinders, sometimes suffocates me at time, but deep down, it is still me here, loud and jolly inside, loud and jolly outside, I am just surrounded by this cage, the bars sometimes get wider on a good day, sometimes the door is opened and slammed shut again, teasing me but I am pretty positive that one day, not too long away, my wings will be allowed to spread and I might fly away from this captivity of pain.

 

 

Meanwhile, I shall take the first steps of this literary journey…..

 

74 thoughts on “About”

  3. I look forward to read more. I write about removing the stigma on various “invisible” suffering…mental health and chronic pain seem to go hand in hand …people ignoring the pain…if you can’t see it, they think we can’t feel it. With much empathy and hugs, Cheryl-Lynn

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    1. Thank you for your words. I think most of it is not understanding and living in a fast moving society, people don’t have time for themselves often, let alone the time to stop and think about what or how someone else is suffering, especially if it is not blatantly in their face. Not approving or saying this is good, i just think it is how it is unfortunately. One thing chronic pain has taught me is to slow down, I’ve had no choice, I am a boom or bust person normally and have learn’t the hard way, I boom then my pain says “you are truly bust”. Now I take my time, I adore going outside, you take a new view on life, I was in a shop that I had managed to take the bus to, that was a major achievement my end and I was almost jumping with joy, I said to the sales assistant “I am out, I managed to get out” she looked at me a bit worried to begin with then when I explained she smiled, but no one can really understand truly unless having experienced it and even then we are all different. Thank you for trying to change things, every little helps. There is a woman who is writing a book to be circulated throughout schools on invisible illness’s, if I can find the link I will pass it on to you, you might like the concept 🙂 x

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      1. Thanks so much for sharing this with me! and for follow my blogs. After more than 20 years living with chronic pain, I finally started seeing the purpose/advantage of doing things a bit slower. I used to be a speed walker and still try now and then but I’m better to slow it down a few paces and the things I am able to notice. I may write a poem or story about that…walking slower allows me to see things I would not have noticed. Sort of like a baby who is crawling. Blessings, my dear and take things one step at a time, rest, observe, breath and take in the world around you.

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  4. We are so alike! I am a daydreamer, passionate, insecure…everything like you, up to the smells. I prefer to smell the fresh wind after a storm, and cooking food. I, too, have an invisible disability. I, too, have seen myself as a caged bird who had to create a door and open it to fly free. My age is “middle-aged” but *I’m* not middle-aged, if you can figure out what I mean by that.

    How daring, to expose yourself through this blog! I admire your courage to begin it here. May it be thoroughly therapeutic for you and all who touch it.

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    1. Yes I was nervous about doing this blog to begin with, but I saw others being brave enough. I wasn’t sure how it would make me feel. I have two other blogs, but they aren’t about such ’emotional’ subjects, actually one is as I talk about my children alot. Heh. Re the caged bird, yes on my bleh/urgh days i feel like that,but I guess what i’ve been doing is waiting for someone to open the door for me, whereas you work out how to make a door and open it…..there you go, some psychology there on the two differences, a big difference I think, your’s is far more proactive and being a do’er. I do think though I am ‘trying’ as they say 😉

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  6. Justine- My heart hurts for you that you have to deal with chronic pain. I loved what you said in your last paragraph. I am really glad I found this other blog of yours. I dealt with chronic, daily pain for about 6 years (for varying reasons), and still deal with some, though not as often. My hubby also deals with chronic pain, as well as my dad. It is something I am very passionate about and have written a lot in the past on how to interact with people who have chronic pain/illness. Though people mean well, things they say and do can sometimes be so hurtful. Will definitely be following your blog!

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    1. Thank you lori, that means a lot. It is amazing the amount of people who seem to suffer. I am so glad it is better for you. I found it hard today as I went through the park and people were out jogging and on their bikes and I just yearned to be able to do this, I want to take some pictures of the deer but its too far to walk from where the car is allowed to park, I have set it as my goal to get there one day and take a snap at them, hehe xx So glad to meet you xx

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      1. I know Justine, so many people. What you mentioned about the park…yes, that’s so hard. I know my hubby feels that way when he sees people playing sports, since he can’t do that anymore. I really appreciate your blog, and your realness, and look forward to keeping up with it!

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        1. I made a page on my wish list, kind of inspired by your words and others and I managed to semi achieve one, I went back down to that park took a deep breath and managed the walk slowly down to the deer and took some pictures 🙂 I didn’t get the big stags but i at least got down there and took some pics be they fuzzy (time for a new camera me thinks hehe), I will post some pics when sorted, but at least I can semi cross off one wish list achievement and it felt great 🙂

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    1. gosh thank you, that is so kind of you. I see you know foggy and the pain gang, I need to update myself and see if they met their target to go ahead. it is nice to meet another person suffering from this invisible illness, not nice, maybe wrong word, comforting in some way to be able to share stories and lean on each other at times xx Thank you so much for the award x

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  8. So sorry you endure this. My sister had the same and was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Has this been suggested? I too suffer from daily pain, stemming from a concussion. I began writing-initially, as a distraction.

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    1. I have thought about fibro since blogging as I didn’t even know about it before, it is something that I maybe need to talk to the pain consultant about next time I see him in a few weeks. Where is your pain? Thanks for commenting and popping by, hope to see you again x

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      1. Definitely something you should look into. My sister is doing a bit better now that she is on meds and going through physical therapy (in a swimming pool). I suffer from migraines, stemming from a concussion. That plus lots of other symptoms along with it.

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        1. Yes, I saw someone post a post on a possible cure for fibro from a man in Toronto, sucks that it is not in the UK, but very interesting. I will see if I can re-blog it on my blog, I have a couple of blogs so sometimes I get confused which one i read it on and with meds it doesnt take much to get me confused LOL…my brain is still waking up now. What a lovely blog you have, I loved your header pic, soooo sweet x

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          1. I am really into natural remedies. There are so many herbs that cleanse, heal etc. if you fancy a chance, and can swim, you should give it a try. The water helps takes the pressure off the muscles. Or even if a workout class it offered in the water. You will be sore, in time, the pain lessens.

            Thank you for taking a gander around my blog.

          2. I’d love to swim its finding a quiet warm pool though hehe. I am going to go on a diet soon for pain relief just need to organise it properly and get my head around it xx

  11. I see through your words, your heart, and within I see a reflection of my spirit, and within yours and mine, i see the reflection of Gods loving spirit. We are not our chronic illnesses, We do not live with them, they live with us. And we strive each day to share, to lift, to inspire, to touch another so that they may know that nothing is impossible with faith. Your life, mirrors mine, and yet here I am also, now with my third blog site, still churning away, finding ways to place a smiles inspiration in another’s life, while receiving nourishing smiles in return. I just met you and I am proud of your determination, not to let anything hold you back or get you down for long. I write my poetry because it has an healing effect on those who read it and also for myself when I write it. I will follow you my sister in this similar walk we and many others share in this life. You are an true inspiration. Have a wonderful weekend!

    Reply

    1. Hello Wendell, I cannot believe that I missed this comment, I just came by it per chance as I was checking through things, so big apologies for not replying sooner.

      How are you doing? You write some lovely poetry. How is your resident chronic pain, any better?

      I am about to embark on a three week chronic pain management course at a nearbyish hospital, so that will be interesting, they offer is as a self management tool. Sightly nervous but I am quietly enthusiastic, but being somewhere all day with strangers is a little out of my comfort zone, as long as they don’t mind me throwing myself down somewhere nearby when I need to then that’s alright hehe xx

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    1. Hey thank you I responded, that is sooo sweet of you to think of me 🙂 I phoned up for my blood results, all normal which is great, so I think it was some kind of peripheral nerve thing going on, either it just happened or it was brought about by the exercise, my appointment is now next week as i go with my son, double whammy hehe xx

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      1. I always remember you Justine 🙂
        Heheh 😀
        Maybe if you do a lot of exercise suddenly that happens. But you should be fine soon 🙂

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    1. awe thank you so much that is adorable of you, but you know I realized that nancy gave that to you and me at the same time, so it feels sort of odd to carry this one on, make sense? I just did all my nominations for this in my award post. I do really appreciate it though lori, really do, your a sweetheart, I accept it in heart, but probably wont forward this one on if that is ok? xx

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  15. I’m writing to let you know that I have nominated you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award. I think your blog is very worthy of that recognition.

    I don’t know if you know about nominations/awards, etc. but it’s a way for bloggers to show their appreciation for other bloggers. It is also a way for other people to find out about your blog, and the blogs of people you may choose to nominate.

    You can get more information about your nomination and the Very Amazing Blogger Award process at http://livinglearningandlettinggo.wordpress.com/2014/06/02/thanks-for-the-very-inspiring-blogger-award/.

    Reply

    1. awe mara you know it wouldn’t matter if i had gotten it before the fact you gave it to me makes it all worthwhile and very grateful for your lovely offering, grins..grabs it! xx

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  17. Hi Justine, after following your other blog for a while now I’ve only just discovered this one! I hope you’re finding blogging about your journey with chronic pain therapeutic. I also live with chronic pain and illness (I am luckily diagnosed though) and I blog about it, mine is definitely not as eloquent as yours I mostly just use it to get all my complaining out amongst other things – I use tumblr for that purpose though!

    Reply

    1. oh you will have to send me your tumblr link are you on bloglovin i could follow you there 😀

      What is your diagnosis?

      I write only occassionally on my pain one, was due to do one the other day keep thinking about it but something keeps stopping me, it makes it too real which it is when i have to write it down and makes me think about it too much but sometimes good to get it out 😀

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      1. My main diagnosis is lupus, with a few other things that like to follow lupus around!

        My tumblr is http://lsthatpaulrudd.tumblr.com/ i have to warn you though that while I do blog about pain issues (mostly in a whiney way) it’s also my personal blog for everything else including my obsession with captain america, feminism and a few other personal things – and I don’t censor myself at all!

        I don’t have bloglovin no, I see people talk about that but I’m not really sure what it is haha

        And I totally get the struggle to write about your pain sometimes, it is good to get it out but sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming

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        1. yes and i write that way too on my pain blog and eclecic, on living in east sheen i censor myself a bit as its more public in a local way etc and trying to promote my writing skills hehe… Sorry to hear about your lupus i dont know much about it, will look your blog up. bloglovin is just a reading platform where bloggers from multiple blogging platforms can subscribe so you can have followers easily from say tumblr, wordpress etc etc x

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  18. I stumbled across this blog by clicking on your gravatar profile, we have “met” recently through the wordpress #photo101 course. Your words above are brave, inspiring and deeply touching. For many reasons I can identify with the story you tell. I hope that you will be comfortable if I follow you here also…. Life is always throwing curved balls to make us think at times and in places we least expect it. Anyway, hello here and thank you for sharing… Andy

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    1. Awe thank you for following Andy, honestly chuffed by you following me, of course I remember who you are too 😛 yes i don’t write as much on this blog, i have been thinking of writing a post recently but its one of those things I either ‘need’ to write on there or it doesn’t happen. Maybe I tuck thoughts/feelings about ‘those’ issues away I am not sure or I have moved on which would be great LOL. It is bittersweet also to find others who can empathise and connect, usually means they have suffered in some way, so the bitter bit but sweet to have a connection x

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  19. Hi, I too have an “invisible” illness which my body has played host to for the past 5 years. I can relate to what you have written – the cage, the pain, and the challenges that they both bring… I hope things are getting easier for you.
    (P.S. thanks for the comment “like” in Writing 201 (I’m the girl without the GCSE’S) I’m still very new to all this and every little thing gets me giddy 🙂 )

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    1. ah well if you need any help a long the way with WP you will find most people here really helpful including moi! hehe….have you thought about the interview thing yet? Thank you for commenting on the pain issues, what do yours stem from? x

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      1. Awww! Thanks 🙂 Yes, I have thought about the interview… but at the mo, it is just thoughts – will try and transcribe them soon! hahaha 🙂 How are you doing with it? I have severe M.E. which basically, for me, causes pain all over my body along tiredness and a variety of other symptoms – as you probably know, illness is not easy to describe. 🙂 (It has also caused my blog – I guess, I’m a Silver Lining Searcher…)

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    1. ohhh thank you, i used to have such a crush on the lead singer of Depeche Mode, you have a good one there lol, but oddly i dont know this song, I thought ihad most of their albums. one for my collection i think 🙂

      Thank you so much for the award Andy, very humbled…yes end to my pain would be marvellosu and in more than one form 🙂 xxx Well wishes and joy for you my friend xx

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    1. Yes still undiagnosed as in cause but they consider chronic pain its own condition now. Thank you for popping by im always surprised when someone passes through my about page hehe 🙂 xxx

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