Who am I?
I am a middle aged mother of two lively boys who loves to write and with this I discovered blogging. I am a daydreamer, passionate, insecure, kind, a doer, a listener, a lover of life & relish in being totally juvenile at times, giving my children a good run for their money. I never get bored of my own company, I never get bored period and I love silence, the sound of rain, the smell of grass and horse manure!
As well as the above though, I have been a sufferer of chronic pain for two to three years, my condition undiagnosed. This isn’t my only blog, but this is, my new blog.
The reason I write generally is as a form of escapism, going in to the inner depths of my mind where so many ideas, thoughts, moments of creativity bombard my senses, I try to streamline them, get them out in to some semblance of sanity in to the written word. Of course usually I have the hope that it might interest someone, one day, help someone, cause a smile or create an emotion in some way, because emotions are good, it proves we are alive!
The reason for writing on this blog however is different (yes I have more than one). I hesitated about creating this space, nervous of how it would make me feel, and I’ve still yet to find out. But it is my personal journey, thoughts, accounts of the way I am feeling, fears, goals, insane ramblings, no doubt there will be dark moments and high moments.
I was inspired to face my demons by having come across other brave and generous bloggers who have shared their similar journeys. Seeing how they progress, work through it, all at different points of their journey, it’s helped me and must have others to be able to get a glimpse in to their experiences, for myself it has been uplifting, hopeful and enlightening.
I hope to shed off some layers that have built up over recent years through the trials and tribulations that having this condition has caused me. Hopefully this will set me free in some way, perhaps it might help someone else.
A friend said to me not so long ago “you aren’t the same person as you used to be. The woman who was fun loving, care free and funny has gone. I don’t mean to say that you aren’t still lovely, but you’re not the same”
I went home and cried, because I felt awful. It didn’t help that I had just spent lunch with my friend and two others and it made me very insecure of how I am viewed, because I don’t see myself as anything other than the same as I was before, I just feel like a caged bird, waiting to be set free.
You see, I have chronic pain, I am not, chronic pain. It hinders, sometimes suffocates me at time, but deep down, it is still me here, loud and jolly inside, loud and jolly outside, I am just surrounded by this cage, the bars sometimes get wider on a good day, sometimes the door is opened and slammed shut again, teasing me but I am pretty positive that one day, not too long away, my wings will be allowed to spread and I might fly away from this captivity of pain.
Meanwhile, I shall take the first steps of this literary journey…..